Down a Black Winding Slide

Down and down I slip, deeper into the abyss. It seems that this hole that I keep slipping into gets deeper and deeper. I have no idea as to why I feel this way. I think it's so much change going on, as well as no consistency for a routine. I have zero time right now to get out and ride...it's that simple. I still have no idea what my schedule is after Wednesday. It just seems that I cannot keep up with the training I need to become even a little better. It seems to go in streaks, times when I get to have all the time in the world to ride and workout. Then out of the blue, it seems that I am allowed zero time to ride. I have a hard time guessing what is going to be allowed or not allowed, so it seems easier to aim really low like not ride any more to see if that makes any kind of impact...so far guess not.

Do I really care? I honestly cannot answer that. It seems feutile to try and compete against people who get to train more. I guess it does not really matter, no one seems to notice me not at races, or even if I get on the bike. I never really been someone who has made a lot of connections in the cycling community. All of the people I know get to eat, breath and sleep cycling and have no real cares in the world. I guess I am living up to my total potential...failure!